My story – Erlebt

Testimony by Anita Holweger (May 2023)

I was born into a loving, sheltered family in 1984.
Baptised as a baby and confirmed at the age of 14, I grew up in a traditional Protestant family. I actually always believed that God exists and that there is life after death. Especially as a child, I also prayed and generally believed in miracles. However, God was not accessible to me. I didn’t realise that it was possible to have an intimate, personal relationship with him.
I endeavoured to lead a morally good life and considered myself to be a good person.
My childhood and adolescence at school were very hard for me. As an outsider, I experienced rejection and was subjected to teasing from some of my classmates. Somehow I also had the feeling that I „ticked“ differently, that I reacted differently to people and situations. The teachers described me as shy. But I was actually highly sensitive, which I only realised many years later and which was a real eye-opener for me.
The rejection and loneliness left a strong mark and awakened a strong longing for death in me. I tormented myself through school. Things got better in the higher grades and after I finished secondary school and attended a vocational college, things changed for the better. I made good new friends and gained a new enjoyment of life, which was also reflected in a significant improvement in my school performance. I later started an apprenticeship. Although I experienced many good times overall and also had the feeling of „being part of something“, a depression developed that was to stay with me for a very long time. This was certainly also a result of unresolved experiences.
In the second half of 2007, a few things came to a head: the situation at work became really bad for me for various reasons. I also learnt that I might not be able to have children due to a hormonal problem. This hit me hard and I suddenly scrutinised my life. „Why am I actually living?“ I don’t know whether I had addressed this question to God or a higher authority, or just threw it into the room. I don’t think I actually expected an answer to it anyway.
My depression had returned and I was looking for meaning in my life. This made me want to change my job and do something more meaningful. I quickly found the opportunity to start a new vocational training programme in nursing and quit my old job. Despite the relief and anticipation, I was suddenly overcome by fears of „not growing up“ and in the end I didn’t even start the new training position. Instead, I found a job first.

Over the next few months, the situation eased somewhat and things got better. I no longer thought about the meaning of my life when suddenly, around Pentecost 2008, a question came out of nowhere: „Won’t eternity in heaven get boring at some point?“ As I wasn’t really thinking about religion, faith or God at the time, this question came as a surprise to me, but it never left me. It was eventually replaced by another question that struck me deep inside:

„What if I don’t get to heaven at all?“

That was a question I had never asked myself before in my life. As a good person in my opinion, everything would turn out well for me. The fact that this was suddenly being questioned shook me. Although the question scared me, I felt inside that I should face it and not simply avoid it. So I dusted off my old confirmation Bible and searched for answers. This was the start of an exciting journey for me. I soon felt convicted by various words from the Bible and inwardly I knew they were true. A restlessness spread through me. I realised that I was not the good person I had always thought I was. I learnt that no human being can stand before the holiness of God.
As I didn’t have anyone around me to talk to about this, I searched the Word of God and the internet for answers. I realised more and more that I was dependent on Jesus‘ forgiveness and that he was the only access to the heavenly Father. As soon as I had grasped a truth from the Bible, I endeavoured to put it into practice immediately. So I can’t name a specific day for my conversion, i.e. the time when I consciously let Jesus into my life and gave him control of my life.
I got to know other Christians on the Internet via various forums and was totally fascinated when I realised that they had also experienced a supernatural conversion.

God had prepared the perfect timing for me. Shortly after I broke up with my then boyfriend in July, I came into personal contact with Christians I had met online for the first time. This is how I connected with a church where the living word of God was preached. A small group for young adults and an Alpha course also started at this time.
I was full of joy about my salvation and my relationship with the Lord. I was full of fire for Jesus and took everything I could with me.

In that year, I also met my husband Hans, as well as many friends and companions. In March 2009, I was baptised in a rain barrel at a private event in the church – one of the best days of my life! Just a few days later, a door opened for me that took me to Uganda, East Africa, that same year, where I worked for a Christian ministry for around nine months. This time was very exciting and rewarding for me, but also challenging.
Hans and I got married in 2011 and went through a very difficult time, especially in our first year of marriage, which we often thought would break us.
In 2013, I then experienced a breakdown after a burnout.
But through all the challenges, Jesus always stood by us, helped us and provided for us. He also always provided us with the people we needed.

I have now been in faith and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ for 15 years.
There have been many highs and wonderful times, but also many challenges and lows over the years. I have had to go through desert times, crises, grief, loss, discouragement, disappointment and depression. But in all the uncertainty that life holds, I have been able to experience time and again that there is one constant that I can always rely on: Jesus has never left me and has always stood by me. Over the years, I have been able to get to know Jesus better and better and, through his grace, I have largely been able to shed my initial religious-legal image of God, which was certainly coloured by imprints and personal experiences. With him, I found the unconditional, unshakeable acceptance and love that (in my opinion) every person longs for in their deepest being.

In the meantime, I am resting more and more in my identity as a beloved daughter of the King and am already able to discover, get to know and enjoy my heavenly home more deeply in the here and now.

Hans and I have a very happy marriage and are involved in our church, where we found a spiritual home about 5 years ago after a long search.

My heart beats especially for discipleship & counselling. I desire to see people healed and restored internally (and externally) through an encounter with the living and holy God. I long for people to find freedom in Jesus and to experience a life of absolute peace and joy.
My desire is that God will use the puzzle pieces of my life to touch other people.

Isaiah 61:1
„The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound“

Through this website I also want to proclaim the wonderful works of the Lord and encourage that He ALWAYS has a solution, no matter how broken a situation or life may seem. I would also like to invite you to get to know this fascinating, wonderful God personally. He has given everything to make this possible.

I am very grateful to God for everything he has done in my life, both in the good times and in the difficult times of my life, and I am excited to see what else he has in the future.